Pro Choice AND Pro Life... is it possible?

I believe it is. Here's my take on it:

http://sillymomthoughts.today.com/2008/10/27/slightly-contradictory/

I'm a Grandma!

If you need a chuckle...

http://sillymomthoughts.today.com/2008/10/21/im-a-grandma/

Hee hee!

My Blog Moved!

To my wonderful blog readers:

My blog is new and improved and has moved to this site:

http://sillymomthoughts.today.com

I hope you visit me there!

Love, Lins

My new words to live by.

I want to succeed doing what I love. Yet, every time I think about taking that next step, the plunge into my hopeful career, I get cold feet. What if they don't like me? What if my writing sucks? What if someone else can do it waaaay better than me?

This kind of self-destructive thought has got to stop. I need to think, "Why not me?" If I sit here, with all of these ideas that I personally find interesting and amusing, and do not submit them, I am doing myself an incredible disservice. So what if I get rejected? At least I played the game. One (or two, or three, or fifty) rejections doesn't mean anything, except that I need to keep trying and continue learning.

The crazy thing is that I haven't been rejected yet. I have a couple of pieces that I'm waiting to hear back from. What is the deal with my irrational fear of rejection? It's not like magazine editors are going to write back:

Dear Lindsay,

I'm sorry, we cannot use your piece in our magazine. Because you submitted it to us and we aren't using it, we have to hunt you down and kill you. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

Regards,
Editor

Really, the worst they can say is "No thank you" or nothing at all. How does that saying go? "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

Here's an excellent quote from a blog I read recently, authored by the talented Tim Ferriss:

If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.

(Read the whole blog here)

So, before I think about "If at first you don't succeed..." I need to borrow the Little Engine That Could's Mantra, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!"

Adoption Article!

I entered this article to win a $5,000 writing challenge. The topic had to answer the question, "What's Next?" and explain why my topic was going to break out in a new way this next year. I chose to write about adoption! Here's the article, if you'd like to check it out:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/803183/social_and_mental_evolution_will_lead.html?cat=25

Need some new music?

Check this out! (I wrote it!)

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/750505/music_to_your_ears_part_i_add_something.html

Adoption Fundraiser TODAY!

We are so lucky to have such great support! Marin is a friend that I grew up with and asked if she could help us out raising money. I said, "Heck yeah!"

---

Come help us out w/ our adoption fundraiser and support a local crafter at the same time.
Marin makes some super cool stuff, great for gifts or to keep for yourself!

Marin said this so well, I don't want to change it, so I'm just reposting!


♥♥♥ It Takes A Village to Bring Home a Child ♥♥♥
,,,
My friend Lindsay is beginning the process of adopting a child with her husband, Clint. It's going to be a long and expensive journey.


The cost of adoption is about $15,000!

Want to help out? Check out my online store: www.marin.etsy.com.


Starting TODAY 5/21-5/28, I will be donating 15% of the total sales to the adoption fund!

If you'd like to read more about Lindsay's family and their decision to adopt, check out her blog: www.yougrewinourhearts.blogspot.com


♥ Want a bonus $25 shopping spree? Send me your email address, I'll send you a referral for Revolution Money Exchange. It's a money exchange service that works like paypal, but without fees.


You'll get $25 for signing up, I'll get a $10 referral bonus, which will also be fully donated to Lindsay's baby fund!

---

Thanks for all your support, prayers, and encouragement, it means so much to me!!

You don't need this baby crap!

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/759047/baby_items_you_probably_wont_need.html

I don't think so anyway.

Bring it on.

I feel like I've been tested this week, big time. It's almost as if God is saying, "Okay, Lindsay, you're thinking about adopting another kid (or two)? Can you handle a lot more of this?!" And I so totally can!

It started on about Wednesday when Colby started getting this awful cold. He got up a couple of times, in addition to Lily's usual 2 or 3 night wakings. Friday night, Lily started getting sick and was up even more frequently. Saturday I was out with friends until 3am and woke up at 7:45, so that was my fault, but totally worth it since I really needed a break. Sunday night, Lily was incredibly miserable and I was up with her most of the night. It all came to a head on Monday night, when I was up with her until 3:45am. I hand her off to Clint who gets her to sleep in 15 minutes (go figure), and I sleep from about 4 to 6am. I was so miserably tired the entire day yesterday.

BUT, I made a vow. Not only am I going to pass this test, and function despite my sleep deprivation, but I will also be downright bubbly. And, for the most part I am! (When I told my dad this yesterday, he says, "Yeah, you may be happy and bubbly, but your eyes look like if you closed them for more than a couple of seconds you'd fall asleep where you stand." Thanks Dad. )

So to this I say, bring it ON. I am so ready to take on another kid, and can't WAIT to start the adoption process. (Check out my blog for more info.)

And, things are looking up. Despite Colby waking up twice last night, and Lily waking up three, I actually feel like I got some sleep. And, I may be getting their cold, but I'm pumping myself up with Vitamin C and Zinc and will fight it tooth and nail. I think we're over the worst of it though. Lily and Colby are both doing MUCH better.

Oh! And I realized today a few reasons why Lily has been miserable. One, obviously the cold, complete with an ear infection. Two, she popped 2 teeth through between Thursday and yesterday. Three, if you haven't heard of the Wonder Weeks and you have babies, you need to check this article out:

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=122&id=2312

Lily is suddenly sitting up longer, rolling over more, and making new noises today. I wonder if the Wonder Weeks had something to do with her fussiness.

Anyway, I don't mean to toot my own horn and brag here, but I'm pretty proud of myself, and Clint too. He has been helping me out so much with the kids at night, even though he has to get up and work in the morning and come home and study. (He has a test on Friday, please pray pray pray that he passes!!!!)

Okay, I think I'm done rambling. Thank you if you made it this far.

I've been published!

Associated Content has accepted my article and published me on their site! This is very exciting for me because I have the opportunity to make some extra money doing what I love.

Here's a link to the article:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/743931/make_a_mothers_day_time_capsule.html

It's just a starter, but I will hopefully be writing even better ones soon!

Yay!

Tribute to Coffee

First love in life: My Family
Second love: Coffee

Oh coffee, how I do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

When I am up with my children in the late hours of the night, or the wee hours of the morning, you are there to remind me: "Regardless of the amount of sleep you get, you can count on me to get you through tomorrow."

You sit perched on my countertop, a pod in the Senseo or ground in Mr. Coffee, ready to brew at a moment's notice. You have never let me down (except when I bought that cheap nasty stuff from WinCo, but we'll let that one slide since it was really my fault).

Your delicious aroma drifts through my house and makes it really feel like home.

I firmly believe that you are best served with friends. The best and most insightful conversations happen over a good cup 'o joe. Plus, it's just nice using coffee as an excuse to get together with friends to chat.

I love your flexibility. You blend well with creamer, or taste wonderful as a Double Tall Nonfat Caramel Macciato. You're good iced or hot, but not so much lukewarm. That's okay though, nobody's perfect.

I owe many days of productivity to you, and your wonderful companion caffeine. So thank you. Thank you for being so great. Now, I'm off to enjoy my first cup of the day. Mmmmmmm.

Help us win $100 for adoption expenses!

We realize $100 isn't much in the whole scheme of adoption expenses, but every little bit counts, right?

It's easy! Click the link below and vote 5 stars.

Thank you soooo much.



Wanted: Baby to add to awesomeness of our family.

Vote: 1 2 3 4 5

Tribute to my family

For Lily:

I love that you go to sleep with a big gummy grin on your face, and it comes back the second you wake up (even at naptime!).

I love that when you smile, your eyes totally disappear (which is a pretty big deal since you have such big eyes).

I love making you giggle, watching you get sleepy, and scooping you into my arms.

I love how you grab my face and play with my sweatshirt strings when you're nursing.

I love how you look at me like I am the most amazing person ever.

I love how you look at Daddy like he's a close second in amazing-ness.

I absolutely love that you think Colby is the coolest thing since mashed peas, and no one else can make you laugh like he does.


For Colby:

I love how much you love your little "Sipper" Lily.

I love the big grin on your face when you go to sleep, and the same bright eyes when you wake up (except at naptime).

I love that you have started saying, "Huh?" when someone says, "Hey Colby!" it cracks me up.

I love that you are such a happy boy, and always trying to make friends with other kids.

I love that you are beginning to become the spitting image of your Daddy.

I love that you have such a big heart.


For Clint:

I love that you are the father of my children.

I love that we met when we did and how we did, I love telling our story.

I love that you find me sexy, even when I haven't showered, am covered in breastmilk and spitup, and otherwise resemble the walking dead.

I love your perseverance; when it is important to you, you do not take no for an answer.

I love that we always do things the "hard way."

I love that I can't write half of the things I love about you here , because they're just between us.

Down With Mommy Guilt!

Seriously ladies, we have to stop this. Mommy Guilt is making us nothing but crazy!

My Philosophy No. 1: If it's only temporary, don't worry about it!

For 2 months after bringing Lily home from the hospital, we watched movie after movie, day after day. I was too tired to even attempt any kind of activity with Colby, and the weather wasn't cooperating for outdoor fun. After we finally found a routine with our new little one, I vowed NEVER to watch that many movies again.

And then winter hit. Unless you have a super-human immune system, you can sympathize with how those long months went. One week we're fine, the next sick as dogs. The week after that, we stay inside just to be safe, but we end up sick anyway. This charade went on for months. I broke my anti-movie vow, and succumbed to day after day of watching Cars. "KaChow!"

Is Colby dumber for it? No. (Although now he can recite some lines of his favorite movies.) Does he have less of an imagination? I'm going to say emphatically, no. (Case in point: a couple of days ago I watched him run towards the sun yelling, "I catch you!")

It was temporary, and we're no worse for the wear. And I'm sure we'll do it again many, many more times in the future.

My Philosophy No. 2: If you have no control over it, don't worry about it.

Colby was a BIG baby. I often worried about his size since he was soooo much bigger than his infant counterparts. But, I was assured that he was healthy, and has since evened out. More recently, I have worried that his language skills aren't up to where they should be, as compared to other kids his age. But his vocabulary has recently exploded, so there was no point worrying.

On the other side, Lily is a peanut and pretty small for her age. I take one look at her beautiful, beefy thunder thighs and know that she's healthy. She doesn't like to roll either, but I know she could if she wanted to, so I'm choosing not to worry about it.

My kids are fed and their brains and bodies nurtured. I take them to the doctor when they're sick, feed them when they're hungry, and hug them when they need hugs. These are the things I have power over. Everything beyond that is not worth worrying about, because it isn't mine to control.

My Philosophy No. 3: If it means getting a break, don't worry about it!

This is so important, I almost think it should be No. 1. We work so hard as moms, for little thanks in return. (Sure, hugs and kisses are wonderful and heartwarming, but they don't take the knots out of my back or paint my nails pretty colors.) All of this hard work deserves a break here and there. When you are given the opportunity for an evening, weekend, or week away, take it and don't feel guilty about it. You're allowed to miss your kiddos if you're gone a while, but please don't feel like you're being a "bad mom" for having time for yourself. It may come as a shock, but our kids sometimes need a break from us too. And, while you're out on a date with your hubby, or getting pedicures with your girlfriends, your kids are probably having the time of their lives getting spoiled by grandparents or wrestling with Daddy. You NEED time away to be a good parent, so don't feel bad for taking that opportunity. That's an order soldier.

My Philosophy No. 4: Kids don't eat healthy all the time, so don't worry about it.

We have a rule in our house. If you don't like what Mommy makes for dinner, then you don't eat. I think it's a great rule, when I actually cook...

I've been doing better about making healthy meals since I've been trying to lose weight, but in that time after bringing Lily home, and again during the succeeding endless sickies, we had a whole lot of takeout and pizza. I tried to convince myself that there was something healthy in Colby's meal (Cheese is calcium! Pepperoni is protein! At least he has apples with his Fatty McNuggets dipped in more Fatty Goodness, right?), but realized it really was all crap. I took solace in knowing it was only temporary. And it was! Now, we're eating healthy again, and he's getting homemade (read: microwaved) chicken nuggets dipped in low fat goodness. (Okay, we're working on expanding his menu.) But the point is that there are always going to be times when we don't eat great, and that's okay.

My overall philosophy to banishing Mommy Guilt:

If it doesn't kill or seriously hurt them, don't worry about it!

They'll live, they'll be just fine. I promise. And you'll feel less crazy and have more time to occupy your mind with more constructive things. Like creating the healthiest, nummiest pizza and chicken nuggets ever. (Send me the recipe when you figure it out. )

I found this article from Parenting Magazine called Kiss Mommy Guilt Goodbye, it's a good one! http://www.parenting.com/article/Mom/Relationships/Kiss-Mommy-Guilt-Goodbye/1

Stop feeling guilty, you are a GREAT mom, simply for the reason that you love your kids so much to worry about them.

You are not alone.

This is dedicated to a couple of people in particular (and you know who you are), but I think it will ring true for many more.

You are not alone in this wild ride of motherhood.

Many a mother past, present and future has been through exactly what you're going through.


We have all checked our newborns (and toddlers!) at night to make sure they're still breathing.

We have all yelled too much, and slept (and showered) too little.

We have been hit, kicked, and scratched by our children more times than we care to admit.

We have doubted our abilities to parent these strange creatures called children, and often wondered if someone else might do a better job.

We have all felt mommy guilt over everything from nutrition (nuggets and mac 'n cheese anyone?) to movie watching (is 3 movies a day excessive?).

(Don't even get me started on that mommy guilt, that's a whole other blog for another time.)

We have all worried, worried, WORRIED over everything else!

But we have ALL been there in one capacity or another. We understand when you are too tired to function, your house is a mess, and you just want to crawl into a hole and sleep (or read, or anything, so long as it's quiet).

When we offer to help, please take us up on it because we have been there. We wouldn't have made it through if people didn't offer to help us. If we offer, we really truly want to help you out, it is not an imposition. So please, help us help you. Let us come over and do your laundry and take your kids for the day so you can relax. Call us when you're stressed and vent your little heart out. And for goodness sakes, do not get dressed all pretty when you come to our house (unless you want to), since sweatpants and a sweatshirt are perfectly acceptable playdate/coffee chatting attire.

But most of all, ask for help! We are happy to give it, and love doing it.

You are not alone, we are all in this together.

It takes a village to raise a child, right?

Weight loss stuff again.

It has already been another month since I did my goal re-evaluation! Time to do it again, and make sure I'm on track.

My goals:

First weight loss goal: Be back to prepregnancy weight by Valentine's Day (0 lbs from current weight) Completed 02/04/08

Next weight loss goal: Be back to wedding weight by April 1st
Completed 04/01/08

Final weight loss goal: Be at my ideal weight (7.5 lbs from current weight) by June 1st

Total: Lose 39 lbs
Current weight loss: 31.5 lbs!!

This chart shows my progress towards my last goal of 125 lbs.


My Weight Chart:

Measurements (Dec./Jan./Feb./Mar./Apr.)

Waist: 33.5"/33.0"/31.5"/30.5"/29.5"
Stomach: 40"/39.5"/37.25/36.5"/35.25
Neck: 13.25"/Same/Same/13"/13"

I love taking measurements! It is a much better indicator of my weight loss than my actual weight.

Adoption?

Are we really considering this? Are we totally insane?

Yep!

We have talked about adopting since we were first dating. We definitely don't feel like our family is complete at two kids and would love to open our home and our hearts to a little one who deserves the love of a family. I've actually been having this really weird "phantom child" feeling the past couple of months. All 4 of us will be in the room together, and I have this very strong feeling that someone is missing. I think it's our 3rd kid!

So, we have started to tentatively, yet pretty seriously, talk about adoption. It may seem soon to be talking about adding another kiddo to our family, given that Lily is almost only 6 months old, but depending on which route we take, this whole process could take quite a while.

Our initial thought was to adopt domestically, through DSHS. This is the most cost effective, and potentially the quickest route. Our major concern here is wanting a closed adoption, with no contact with birth family. This is because we already have kids at home to look out for, and we feel like they don't need that extra potential drama in their lives, and it could be very confusing for our adopted child too. Additionally, we worry about the possibility of caring for our adopted child for a while, and he/she somehow being taken away from us and given back to their birth family. That would be hugely devastating for us, and especially confusing for Colby and Lily.

Personally (and Clint is definitely not against this option), I would love, love, LOVE to adopt a child from Korea. In the research I have done so far, it seems as though kids from there are very well taken care of and have had excellent health care. Another plus, is that they can be escorted to the U.S. without us having to make a costly trip to Seoul. If we did adopt a child from there, we would love for him/her to be able to visit there someday, but for now, with 2 little ones at home already (not to mention the cost), it would be easier in the long run to be able to pick them up at the airport. In addition, this would mean that neither Clint nor I would be suffering from jet lag, which would help us help our adopted child to adjust.

The one major issue with international adoption is cost. It is extremely expensive. There are quite a few grant opportunities out there, and Clint's looking to see if his work offers any kind of reimbursement, but unless we can find lots of assistance, we cannot go that route. By one calculation I saw, it was something along the lines of $25,000 with all application fees, homestudy, escort, and other adoption fees. There is an option to take out a loan, but we aren't really comfortable doing that. We will already have to get a bigger car, so that's a big enough loan in itself.

No matter which route we take, we are open to any race, either gender, but want a child who is younger than Lily (we don't want to mess with the birth order, LOL). I think a child around 4-6 months would be SO perfect. But, we're not super picky. :)

Anyway, we are definitely just in the thinking stage, but are doing research and figuring out if this is something we want to do. If we do ultimately decide to go for it, it won't be until after Clint passes his CPA exam. We need to get that out of the way first!

So, wish us luck, and patience (and money). I'll be sure to keep you updated when we really do get things going.

I am officially spoiled.

Whatever I did to deserve such generous people in my life, I don't know, but I am definitely not complaining!

Yesterday Clint called his mom up at about 2pm. This is how the conversation went (slightly abbreviated):

Clint: Guess what mom? Colby has been talking about you all day and said he wanted to see you!

Mom: He did?

Clint: Yeah! And Lily was talking about you too!

Mom: Wow, that's amazing.

Clint: They said they want you to watch them tonight.

Mom: Okay, I'll take them.

Clint: And keep them overnight until tomorrow evening.

Mom: Sounds good! Just let me know when you want to drop them off.



And so, with very short notice, Clint's parents took on the fun of watching our 2.5 year old and 5 month old for over 24 hours. This left us to have a fantastic night of chatting it up and drinking with our neighbors, plenty of *ahem* alone time, and I even got to spend all of Saturday reading, drinking coffee, and shopping. I even took a nap in my car, enjoying the nice warm sunshine and comfortable breeze. I don't remember the last time I was able to do that. (By the way, I don't drive places just to take naps in the car, I was waiting for Clint to get off work so we could drive home.) Then, just before they arrived with the kids, Clint and I were able to do a decent clean up of our house. How much better could it get?

A LOT better!

Clint's dad came in the door with a box and said, "Lins, I was going to try to mess with you, but then I thought, 'Aw, heck with it, I'll just give it to her,'" and he handed me a box. I opened it up and saw the word "Inspiron" and thought to myself (or did I actually say it out loud?) "No WAY." His dad pulled from the box a 17" Dell Inspiron Laptop computer!!! I have been obsessing over getting a laptop for a couple of months now, but had given up hope of getting one any time soon. I had mentioned wanting one to him, and he searched and searched and finally found this one at a great deal. He got Clint in on it, and they split the cost. How do I deserve to be so spoiled?

I tell ya, if I was the crying type, I would've been in tears. Instead, I clapped my hands, squealed, and said, "Thank you, thank you , thank you" and "I'm SO excited" over and over again.

So, this is my first blog on my new, pretty green computer! I cannot tell you how excited and thankful I am to have this wonderful gift. I have such an amazing, generous family! Man, I hit the jackpot.

More weight loss stuff.

I wanted a refresher on goals and to see how far I've come, so I'm going to brag about myself for a bit.

I haven't been blogging lately because I'm working on another writing project, so my creativity has been tapped out! But, I wanted to make sure I have all of my weight loss stuff on track, so here goes:

December 2007 (153 lbs)















March 2008 (137 lbs)














My goals:

First weight loss goal: Be back to prepregnancy weight by Valentine's Day (0 lbs from current weight) Completed 02/04/08

Next weight loss goal: Be back to wedding weight by April 1st (2 lbs from current weight)

Final weight loss goal: Be at my ideal weight (12 lbs from current weight)

Total: Lose 39 lbs
Current weight loss: 27 lbs!!

This chart shows my progress towards my second goal of 135 lbs. (Which I'm 2 lbs away from, wohoo!)


My Weight Chart:

Measurements (Dec./Jan./Feb./Mar.):

Waist: 33.5"/33.0"/31.5"/30.5"
Stomach: 40"/39.5"/37.25/36.5"
Neck: 13.25"/Same/Same/13"

No such thing as Supermom.

This blog was inspired by a conversation I had last night with my friend Kendra. Just had to give her some props for that.

I want to say something that I often need to hear from others when I'm feeling like I am at my wits end and all alone in this wild ride called motherhood:

There is no such thing as Supermom.

I think I’m a pretty together person, but I would never consider myself a Supermom, and I’m going to throw myself under the bus here and tell you why.

Lets start out with the house:

My house is a mess. There are dishes in my sink and laundry piled up, both ready to be folded and ready to go into the wash. My floors need to be vacuumed and mopped, and don't even ask me what my toilets and showers look like. I am currently sitting in a room littered with cereal crumbs and dried up Play-dough, at a desk cluttered by water bottles, an empty coffee cup, and a plate from lunch.

Then, there are the kids:

There are days when I beat myself up that I didn't spend enough time with my kids, or that I yelled too much and didn't have enough patience. There are days when I stick Colby in front of movie after movie because I am just so darn tired.

My insane ball of energy (a.k.a. High Spirited Child) is a great kid, but there are some days when he gets under my skin. I always love him, but there have been many instances in the recent past when it has taken all of my energy not to eat my young. (This was the phrase Kendra used, and it is so relevant, I had to borrow it.) I can tell myself “This too shall pass” until I’m blue in the face, but the fact of the matter is this: When I am in those situations where my kid is throwing tantrums, screaming, hitting, and otherwise resembling a mental patient, there is no “shall pass,” there is only right now. In my mind, I cannot think past what is happening at that precise moment. In those moments, I am definitely not Supermom, I am merely hanging by my fingernails for dear life, hoping it will all be over soon.

There’s also nutrition:

I always have the intention to make wonderful, healthy meals for my family every night, but to be quite honest, there are weeks when we eat so much take-out, that I'm pretty sure McDonalds’ stock sees a significant jump. Colby has gone record-holding stints of only eating microwaved nuggets and corn, and I’m just happy that there’s at least a veggie included in that meal.

I have this image that I am going to stay in shape and have an awesome figure. Yes, I have been losing weight, and I hope to tone up a bit, but I’m never going to have that body back that I had in high school. After all, I did put myself through the body-mutilating process of pregnancy twice so far. I’m not going to look exactly the same again and that’s okay because I have beautiful kids to show for it! (Even if they do drive me nuts sometimes.)

I write this because I think more moms out there need to know that they aren’t alone in their world. We all have messy houses most of the time (and in my case, pretty much all the time). We all want to run far, far away from our kids when they are acting like maniacs. We have stretch marks and doughy mid-sections and thighs. We don’t shave our legs regularly, and sometimes we don’t even shower regularly either. We sometimes eat way too much pizza and hamburgers, because we can’t stand the thought of making another dinner. And ya know what? It’s okay! Ya know why?

There is no such thing as Supermom!

A Balanced Life

It may be my caffeine induced, rested state, or the fact that by some miracle both of my children are napping at the same time, but I feel like I need to write today. The problem is, I don't know what to write about. I guess I'll keep typing and see where my fingers take me.

Lately I have been realizing something about myself. Or maybe that isn't the way to put it, maybe I have been figuring myself out, learning who this Lindsay person is. I am Clint's wife, definitely. I am the mother of Colby and Lily, sister to Corey, daughter to Kerry and Heidi. I could go on, and on. (For a really long time too, I have seriously 60+ cousins, not to mention numerous aunts and uncles. But I will spare you those snooze-worthy details.)

What I am coming to realize lately, is that I am so much more than these titles show. I love my children to the ends of the earth and back, but to say they are my entire life would be a lie. And really, I would hate it if my entire life revolved around my children. That sounds harsh, but think about it: if your whole existence was based on diapers, The Potty (I put it in caps because it's that big of a deal), spit up, endless streams of Shrek and Nemo, mindless games of Playdough and choo-choo trains, tantrums, and macaroni and cheese, you'd probably be totally miserable. At least I know I would be. I think what I'm learning is that life is all about balance.

First and foremost, I need time for me. Without time to myself to, I dunno, read, write, pick my nose, whatever suits my fancy, I cannot be a good anything to anybody. (Okay, pick my nose might be a little extreme, but I had to make sure you were still paying attention. Are you? Great!) I have to capture these precious moments whenever they come my way, because they're certainly not every day. But when I do get a chance to be with myself, I am a happier person. (I don't mean be with myself like that, come on now, gutter brain.)

Second, I am lucky enough to be married to the best man on Earth. (No joke, I'm pretty sure he could win contests.) It is extremely important to us to keep our relationship alive. We are teaching our children how to be in a relationship and how to treat the opposite sex. If we let our marriage fall by the way-side, we're only doing our kids damage. Therefore, I do not feel guilty when we ship them off to the grandparent's for the weekend, or go out for the evening. I have no regrets when we put them to bed early for the night just so we can have some alone time. (Now that was intended to be a little dirty, you can bring your gutter brain back.)

And finally, I have a few really great friends. I need time with them. It could be in my pajamas, no makeup, and slightly smelling of coffee breath with my neighbor, while our boys pummel eachother and we play referee, or out with that same neighbor getting our groove on sans kiddos. It could be a night of poker, board games, and a fair amount of booze with long time friends. It could really be any other random play date where I get to chat with my mommy-buds. (That's when we start conversations that I realize hours later never ended because we got distracted by something our kids were doing. That always cracks me up.) I would have to include my family in here as well, because they're incredibly entertaining and fun. (Is family supposed to be this cool, or did I just get really freakin' lucky?) But no matter the relationship, new, old, or casual acquaintance, I need these as a part of the balance of my life.

Realizing these things is making me a better person. I know that when I'm super stressed, it's because one of these aspects in my life is out of balance. Usually, that is time to myself, and fortunately it is the easiest to fix. Not to get all religious here, but if I only have a couple of minutes to myself, lets say, in the shower, a quick prayer of, "Thank You for the wonderful blessings in my life. Please help me get through today with patience, grace, and as little yelling as possible," usually does a good quick fix for me. At least until I can get some real time to myself. You know, when the kids are miraculously napping at the same time?

Exercise: Feb. 10-16

This week's goals:

*Do vigorous activity 30-45 mins every day
(210-315 mins/wk)
*Don't eat after 8pm
*Drink 64 oz water/day
*Stay w/in points range (28-31)


What I have accomplished this week:

Sunday:
-Exercise: None.
-Water: 30oz.
-Eat after 8pm?: Yes.
-Points: 28

Thursday:
-Exercise: None
-Water:
-Eat after 8pm?: Yes.
-Points: 29

Friday:
-Exercise: None
-Water: 80oz.
-Eat after 8pm?: Yep!
-Points: 49 (17 extra pts left for wk.)

Saturday:
-Exercise: Yes.
-Water:
-Eat after 8pm?: Yes.
-Points: 39-4 Activity=35





Total activity pts: 4

Total time worked out: 2 hrs

Reflections:

Thursday: I have been SO sick this week, so I haven't been counting points or anything. I'm back on track today though. I really need to start putting more exercise into my day!

My goals:

First weight loss goal: Be back to prepregnancy weight by Valentine's Day (0 lbs from current weight) Completed 02/04/08

Next weight loss goal: Be back to wedding weight by April 1st (10 lbs from current weight)

Final weight loss goal: Be at my ideal weight (10 lbs from wedding weight)

Total: Lose 34 lbs!!

Exercise: Feb 3-9

This week's goals:

*Do vigorous activity 30-45 mins every day
(210-315 mins/wk)
*Don't eat after 8pm
*Drink 64 oz water/day
*Stay w/in points range (28-33)


What I have accomplished this week:

Monday:
-Exercise: Dance w/ Colby 30 mins
-Water:
-Eat after 8pm?: Yes.
-Points: 25

Tuesday:
-Exercise: None.
-Water: 51 oz.
-Eat after 8pm?: No.
-Points: 31.5


Wednesday:
-Exercise: 45 mins walk wearing Lily
-Water: 40 oz.
-Eat after 8pm?: No.
-Points: 27

Thursday:
-Exercise: None
-Water: 70 oz.
-Eat after 8pm?: Nope.
-Points: 31




Total calories burned: 319

Total time worked out: 75 mins

Reflections:

Monday: This is a new week and I'm starting fresh. I did SO bad last week with eating and working out, and surprisingly still lost 1 lb., but I know I won't always be that lucky. I've decided to start Weight Watchers to help me get my food on track, so hopefully that will help a lot. I am excited to say that I am at my prepregnancy weight! I beat my goal by one whole week!

Tuesday: I went under my points yesterday and felt HORRIBLE. I definitely need to consume close to the 30 range while I'm nursing!

Wednesday: I love the wrap I bought! It makes it so much easier to go for walks with the kiddos. I went to the mall today and want to do that again sooner than later. I've been avoiding it because of potty training, but yesterday Colby told me both times he had to go, so I think he has the hang of it and we can venture out of our house more!

I am lovin' the Weight Watchers. Tuesday was tough because I was really super hungry, but today I think I found a good balance and actually had to throw in a little extra at night because I hadn't consumed nearly enough points! Gotta love that predicament. I am learning so much about what I put into my body, it's crazy how much crap I was eating without even realizing it!

Thursday: Today has been mentally and emotionally exhausting with Colby. Actually, this whole week has. I hope and pray next week is better. But, given that stress, I'm really happy that I've been able to keep my eating in check, as I am usually an emotional eater. There's always a silver lining, right?

My goals:

First weight loss goal: Be back to prepregnancy weight by Valentine's Day (0 lbs from current weight) Completed 02/04/08

Next weight loss goal: Be back to wedding weight by April 1st (13 lbs from current weight)

Final weight loss goal: Be at my ideal weight (10 lbs from wedding weight)

Total: Lose 34 lbs!!

Monday Vent

This is going to be whiny, so be prepared.


I am SO done with today!!! I went to bed by 10pm expecting to feel refreshed today, but that so did not happen. Clint got up before 5 to go running (which I'm so proud of him for doing, but it woke me up), Lily got up at 5:30 to eat, and then Colby got up at 6:30. Why the hell does he get up so freaking early???

I try to clean his complete mess of a room, and with each thing I put away, he takes 2 out. So I give him a snack of Goldfish crackers, thinking that might help buy me a couple of minutes to clean. He knocks the entire thing over. In his defense, it was an accident and he tried to clean it up, but as soon as the last fish was back in the bowl, he knocks it over again. This time on purpose. Meanwhile, Lily is fussing despite the fact that I just fed her. I look in her mouth and she STILL has this effing thrush that won't go away!!! She has had it since she was 6 weeks old and is now over 3 months. So I feed her again, and she continues to fuss. She's now on the floor in a little plaything whining because nothing I do seems to help.

Colby, after spilling crackers everywhere, decided to grab his Cheerios from this morning and spill them all over my bed while I'm going to the bathroom and commences jumping on them. (Thankfully they were dry, as I didn't give them to him with milk this morning.)

My kitchen is trashed, the dishes are spilling out of the sink and don't smell very good. Every SINGLE room in this house needs to be picked up and the bathrooms could totally use a scrub. I need to vacuum and do laundry. There is so much I have to do, in fact, that I am overwhelmed even thinking about it. Normally Clint would come home and help out, but not only is he studying for what I can only hope, pray and BEG is his last CPA exam, he is working late because it's busy season. What is infuriating about the messy house is that each of these rooms was clean just a matter of days ago, but you'd never know by the way they look now!

I am so frustrated, so done with today. I was all set to write a funny/silly blog on Mommy Guilt and how we should stop feeling guilty about all of this stuff, but today I just need to vent. If you made it this far, thanks for listening to me whine.

(Wow, I'm shocked that I even got to write this thing with minimal interruptions. Maybe I should give cleaning another shot...)

ETA: It is now 1pm and things are looking up. I called my friend Kendra to vent (and while I was on the phone Colby dumped out ALL of the toys I had just cleaned up, awesome) and she suggested taking a 15 min timeout with Colby to just play what he wanted. (She has twins, she knows what she's talking about.) We ended up playing blocks and then dancing for an hour and wouldn'tcha know he was suddenly not such a stinker? Why didn't I think of that? So now my dishes are almost done, I realized what was making my kitchen smell (milk in a cereal bowl from Saturday, my bad), and Colby's going down for a nap. Lily is less fussy and I'm more awake thanks to 2 strong cups of coffee. The world is right once again.

Extraordinary Talent

I cannot count the number of times in my life that I have wished for some extraordinary talent. As a child I wanted more than anything to be a singer. I went through another phase where I hoped to play the violin professionally. As I grew older and went to college (and came down to Earth), I wished I could be a successful, charismatic business woman who rocketed her way to the top.

But never had I wished for such talent than the moment my babies entered this world, and still to this day. How badly I wish that I were an amazing artist so I could perfectly capture so many sweet moments.

If only I could paint the many kisses on chubby cheeks and bellies, or photograph the silly games of Duck Duck Goose and Mommy Chase Me While Growling Like A Monster. If only I could compose the perfect sonata to capture the slow dances to music that brings tears to my eyes, and the booty shakin' boogies that make me tear up with laughter.

Truthfully though, even if I had the talent, it wouldn't do these moments justice. Even the most talented artist, photographer, or composer could not truly capture raw, down to the core, heart wrenching, feeling.

It is impossible to photograph the smell of lavender shampoo infused with spit up on my precious baby girl. You cannot paint the overwhelming pride I feel when my son pees on the potty or gives his sister soft kisses. There is no way to compose the feeling of heartbreak and yet sense of being needed when my little one is sick or hurt. It is impossible to show the way my heart melts when I see the love of my life loving our babies.

I may not be as talented in the areas that I would like, but I am thankful for my memories. I thank God for the simple little moments, smells, and feelings that make this life worth living.

Exercise: Jan 28.- Feb. 2

I have been doing this blog on MySpace, but I figured I'd keep it going here too!



This week's goals:

*Do vigorous activity 30-45 mins every day
(210-315 mins)
*Don't eat after 8pm
*Drink 64 oz water/day


What I have accomplished this week:

Sunday:
-Exercise: 3 miles in 1 hr 30 mins
-Water: ??
-Eat after 8pm?: Nope.

Monday:
-Exercise: Pilates 45 mins.
-Water:
-Eat after 8pm?: No.

Tuesday:
-Exercise: Walk 1 mile in 30 mins., Strength training 45 mins.
-Water: 49oz.
-Eat after 8pm?: No.


Total calories burned: 526

Total time worked out: 240

Reflections:

Sunday: We got a little snow today, so we took a walk as a family to the store for some groceries. The snow was melted by the time we got back, but it was still a great walk!


Monday: I had to force myself to do Pilates today. I really didn't want to, but I am glad I did. Based on my last workout blog, it looks like I have been slacking off on working out, but I haven't. I've been finding it difficult to find time to exercise, so during the day I make sure Colby and I dance for 30-60 minutes. That way, it's fun for him and a great workout for me!

I'm getting a little bit discouraged though. I know I have lost weight because the scale shows that, but I don't feel like I look any different. I hope that changes soon. And, how is it possible that I am only a pound away from my prepregnancy weight, but my prepregnancy jeans don't fit?? That doesn't seem fair at all. Grrrr. (I know, your body changes w/ pregnancy, but dang.)

Tuesday: I am really pushing myself to stay motivated this week. I hope that I show at least a pound of weight loss when I weigh in on Monday. I did strength training during Biggest Loser tonight. Unfortunately I don't know how to calculate the calories burned for it, but that's okay. One question though... why is it that during a show ALL about losing weight, they show a Chili's commercial for a triple thick bacon burger?! Is that cruel torture or what?

My goals:

First weight loss goal: Be back to prepregnancy weight by Valentine's Day (1.5 lbs from current weight)

Next weight loss goal: Be back to wedding weight (13 lbs from prepreg weight)

Final weight loss goal: Be at my ideal weight (10 lbs from wedding weight)

Total: Lose 34 lbs!!

My Morning Adventures

1/14/08

It's 7:30 am and my first thought is, "I really wish my kids had a snooze button." The second is, "Damn, I need coffee," and thus begins my day.

After crawling out of my warm, cozy bed, I change diapers, get cereal, and heat up our single serve coffee maker. I can almost taste that first warm sip.

Colby is potty training and presently informs me, "Pee pee!" so we run to the bathroom where he sits there playing with the toilet paper and making a teensy little tinkle in the potty. I act like it is the coolest thing in the world and jump around like an idiot clapping and cheering him on. We flush, wash up, and head back to the breakfast table.

I toss out the old coffee pod, put in a new one, and place a cup under the resevior.

Lily starts whining and needs to be fed, so I scoop her up and we plop down on the couch. Colby has Curious George on and even after Lily finishes eating, I sit there watching, as if I hadn't already seen the George Builds a Dam episode 5 times. At this point, I watch Lily rub her eyes and accidentally scratch herself with her fingernails. I grab the clippers and remedy that problem, and then decide to do Colby's. Before that can happen, Colby decides to do his big pee on the floor just feet from the little potty and informs me that I need to go grab a towel.

On my way to the towel, I start brewing the coffee, in hopes that I'll actually be able to drink it.

I clean up the pee, throw a load of towels in the washer, clip Colby's nails, and am shocked that I actually get to have my coffee now. I put in my peppermint creamer and take that first, wonderful, glorious sip. Mmmmm caffeine heaven.

Someone calls about an unpaid bill from Lily's birth and I tell them that I already contacted our insurance because the bill was incorrect. This reminds me that I have some bills to pay.

I pay bills online, get distracted by MySpace Blogging, returning emails, and BabyCenter. There goes 45 minutes.

More pee on the potty, dancing around like a nut, cleaning up accidents, changing diapers, giving medicine, calling doctors to make appointments, and before I know it, the morning has disappeared.

Crap! My coffee! It's 11:30 so I know there is little hope, but I pick it up anyway and take a sip. Blech, it's cold.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be able to drink my whole cup of coffee while it's still nice and warm.

Little Blessings.

12/12/07

Today is a great day. Thank God for good days, because they're what helps through the more difficult ones, like my last blog.

I am incredibly blessed. This morning it's chilly outside, but the sky has that beautiful overcast wintery look.We're sitting in our warm and cozy house, watching a Christmas movie and snuggling on the couch. I have my nummy cup of coffee with peppermint mocha creamer, and can smell the Christmas tree behind me. Lily is asleep in front of Colby and me, all snuggled in her fleece blanket.

Earlier, the three of us were playing on the floor and Colby gave Lily hugs and kisses while she sat and smiled at him, just beaming at her big brother. At one point I had both kids in my lap, Colby's arm around Lily's back and I thought, "Wow, this is what life is all about. This is love." My house is a total mess and I'm pretty sure there's a dirty diaper hiding somewhere because I keep getting a whiff of it, but I don't care. Right now I'm just enjoying this moment.

How blessed am I... Trying as it may be sometimes, I get to be home and watch my babies grow up. I get to witness every smile, giggle, and step they take. I know I am fortunate. I can go to the grocery store and buy anything we need without having to worry about not having enough money. I can take my kids to the doctor without a second thought of how much it's going to cost. We aren't wealthy by any means, and we make sacrifices, but so many people don't have the luxury of treating themselves to football games and the occasional Starbucks, let alone even affording to keep food on the table. We have worked hard for what we have, and I am grateful every single day that I get to be on this Earth because I know life goes by fast. I want to always remember these little blessings and thank God for them every single day.

This is Hard.

12/03/07

Not that anyone told me being a parent to 2 kids would be easy, but this is freaking hard.

Take this last week:

Colby got sick a week ago and is still recovering from it. We have been stuck inside all week long because of it. I ended up spiking a fever which turned out to be Mastitis, so that was crummy. Now Lily has a stuffy nose and keeps sneezing. Not only have I been getting up with Lily multiple times a night to feed her, I have had to console my sick little boy too. As a result, I am so dead tired I have hardly gotten out of my PJs, let alone taken a shower. And since we have to be inside, all we have done is watch tons of Christmas movies and TV. I have had such a short fuse with Colby and I feel bad because I know part of why he's acting up is because he's bored and I'm not doing anything exciting to help him out in that area.

Clint and I got a weekend alone which was awesome, but didn't leave me feeling rested in the least. I slept way more than I normally would, but apparently my body needed more than 2 days to catch up on sleep.

Last night was the worst. Lily is apparently going through a growth spurt and is super fussy and eating every hour. I was up every single hour last night for at least 15-20 minutes each time. Colby woke up a couple of times too. And at 3am he woke up completely freaking out. When I couldn't console him I completely lost it and Clint had to help me out. Thank God I have such an amazing husband.

To make matters even worse, Lily isn't latching on right, so my nipples (sorry TMI) are in bad shape. It feels like she is going to rip them off at every feeding. I am trying to get in to see a lactation consultant ASAP, but until then it is horribly painful every time she nurses, which is still every hour.

And right now, Colby is playing with cars on his wall instead of napping and Lily is crying and all I want to do is freaking SLEEP.

This is so hard, this sucks so much, and I know it will pass. But for right now I just want to run far, far away.

ETA:
I just took the kids on a drive to get them to nap. Colby is out like a light and Lily is as alert as can be. Awesome.