Day 44: Emotional Wreck

Thursday, September 21st

Alright, so maybe the term "emotional wreck" is slightly over-dramatic, but I am emotional none-the-less. I can't believe my baby is going to be 1 in a little more than 24 hours! *Sniff!* It makes me sad that a year ago I had a little bundle that I cuddled and snuggled and that little bundle is now a big boy. Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely stoked to watch him grow up. Being a mom is by far the most exciting, wonderful, amazing experience, but it is also completely exhuasting and sometimes sad. I love every day that I wake up and get to watch Colby discover the world.

I went to order his cake today and as I pulled out of the parking lot I shed a tear. Later I tortured myself by watching A Baby Story and seeing a baby born. That was me just a year ago! Time flies so fast. Then, just now, I pulled his smash cake out of the oven and it got me all choked up. That's my little boy's first cake! (Okay, second since he had a bite of cake at Sage's birthday party.) My little boy who is growing up before my eyes. The little boy who now asks "What's that?" constantly (although it sounds more like "Uh dat?"). The little boy who is more interested in tupperware and playing in the dirt than snuggling with his mom. The little boy who no longer breastfeeds and wouldn't have time for it anyway. (Things to do, people to see, you know.) The little boy who is now a bona-fide toddler and will soon take the title of big boy.

*Sigh.*

I think that right now I am mourning the baby I once held because he isn't quite a year old yet. I think that once Saturday is over and done I will be over this emotional hump and looking forward to the toddler years. (Ha!)

So, in tribute to Colby's first birthday, I thought I'd post my birth story. There is a much, much longer version of this, but I figured it would be pretty boring for most audiences, so this is the summary.

Colby was due on 9/13, our 2nd anniversary. That day came and went with no sign of Colby, but a raging case of PUPPPs for me! On 9/20 I went to the doc and he scheduled me to be induced that night, as I was HUGE and extremely uncomfortable from the itching. They admitted me at about 7pm and started me on Cervidyl. I had a few contractions, but nothing progressed. The next morning they gave me Cytotec because the Cervidyl didn't work. At about 5pm I still wasn't in labor, and they sent me home. I kept a strong face, but I was absolutely crushed. Our nurse gave me a big hug and assured me that she thought I'd be in labor before my next scheduled induciton on 9/26.

The next morning I was still experiencing contractons from the Cytotec, and they turned into real labor. I went back to the hospital at 3pm. Thank goodness the nurse who had discharged us the day before was still there, because at 2cm I probably shouldn't have been admitted. I think she felt bad for me! I also got an epidural within 15 mins of arriving. WOHOO! I labored through the night and early in the morning the epidural started wearing off on my right side and I started throwing up.

At 6am I started pushing. Colby wasn't coming down like he should and I could feel his head pushing against the right side of my pubic bone. Ouch. The longer I pushed, the more I puked. They finally upped my epidural and gave me something to control the nausea. I remember asking Clint if I was going to die, he assured me I wasn't. I pushed for 3 hours and then was sent for a C-Section because of Colby's failure to decend.

At 10:42am on Friday, September 23rd Colby Tanner was born weighing in at a whopping 9lbs 5oz with a big 'ol head. No wonder he wouldn't come out!

Happy birthday my sweet little boy with the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I love you more than life itself and I am so excited to watch you grow and see the person you become. You are amazing.