Monday, September 11th
Today is the 5th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. I will never forget that day as long as I live. Here's an entry from my journal from the day after the tragedy. It was the first page in a brand new journal.
Dear journal,
Ya know, I really don't like to start things off on a sad note, but really, there's no way around it: my life, and the lives of every American has been changed.
I woke up earlier than normal yesterday for a couple of reasons. First, the sun was shining and I was getting really hot, and second, it was my 19th birthday. Needless to say, no onewill ever forget my 19th birthday, even if they didn't know I exist. I went downstairs and got on the internet to check on my bids on e-bay. My mom called to wish me happy birthday and asked if I had heard the news. Of course at this point, thoughts were racing through my head. "Who do I know that died??" Don't ask me why, maybe it was the tone of her voice, but I knew it invoved death-whatever happened. She told me to turn on the news, and it really didn't matter which channel, because all but 3 had the news. I watched in horror as a tape showed me over and over the planes crashing into New York's World Trade Center buildings and a portion of the Pentagon. I watched it over and over and never could I conceive the tradgedy that was unfolding. I was sad and angry, confused and felt hopeless. I wanted to help, but couldn't. I wanted to rescue people from that hell, but couldn't.
I had an extremely rough night last night. I listened to Delilah on 106.9 and her entire program was dedicated to mourning. She played the song Proud to Be An American and for the first time in this whole ordeal, I cried. I went to my parents house to have cake with my family and my mom wasn't doing too well. Her surgery didn't work and she's still in pain. She started crying and asked my dad to take her to her parent's house. I left then, it was all too much.
So, as is usually the case, I escaped to Clint's house. There, I cried because the effects of the day had began to sink in. Clint's mom handed me a birthday card; she had tears in her eyes. The card read, "Lindsay, you are such a special person and an important part of our family. We love you very much!" At that, the waterworks really started to flow and she gave me a hug and cried too.
With my dad and Corey at the land and my mom at my grandparent's house, and with all of the events of the day, I really didn't want to go home. Clint's parents let me stay the night and I was so grateful.
.. two days later I included this:
You can't get away from the news, the images and sounds on TV. You want to turn off the TV and forget about it, but there's this almost perverse attraction to the screen, the pictures of the ruble, people crying and showing pictures of relatives they have yet to find, not knowing if they're alive or not. Maybe you do snap out of the trance and change the channel, but it's only a matter of time before you find yourself back watching the news. It's not that you're entertained by the images, or enjoy seeing them at all, but there's this feeling of anticipation that something's going to happen. Maybe it'll be something good, like they find all 4,763 missing people alive and well, or even just one person. Then again, maybe something bad will happen, like more buildings collapse, or they call off the search for survivors. Either way, you end up watching.
-------------------------------------------------
So today is my 24th birthday. I always look forward to my birthday, but since that day, it has been bittersweet. I tell myself I'm not going to watch TV, but I always do. I tell myself I'm not going to cry, but I always do. Those images just make me so sad, and I know they always will.
We don't really have anything planned for the day. I'm going to get pizza for dinner: Garlic Chicken (my favorite). I think Clint's planning on taking me to dinner on Saturday night, so that will be nice. I'm super tired today because Colby didn't sleep well last night, so I'm just hoping for a nap and a shower. :o)
Hope everyone has a great week!
To do:
1. Enjoy birthday!
2. Nap.
3. Shower.
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