Day 51: Wow, this isn't a dream.

Friday, November 3rd

Colby snuggled me today, which is a rare thing since he's such a busy kid. He laid his head on my chest and just sat there listening to my heartbeat. It's times like these that make my heart feel so full I'm pretty sure it's going to explode, and that would be okay. Day after day I wonder if this life I am leading is a dream. Did I really marry the most wonderful guy on Earth 3 years ago? Did I give birth to my beautiful son 13 months ago? Do I actually get to watch him grow up forever and ever? Do I really live this completely blessed life? Am I that lucky?

I can't believe that Colby is here forever. He's mine! I get to experience all of the wonderful-ness and not-so-wonderful-ness of being a parent to this amazing child. Every day I look at him and have to pinch myself because I can't believe he's real. I can't believe my life is real. It's too awesome to be real. Wow.

I love the little things Colby does to make me happy. I will never forget when Colby was 4 days old. We were having difficulty breastfeeding and he was screaming because he was so hungry. As I held this screaming baby I lost control and just broke down into tears. He suddenly stopped crying and watched me with the sweetest look on his face as if to say, "Mama, what's wrong?" It was in that moment that I felt like I was the most important person in his life and he needed me.

There have been other times that I have been having a bad day and he'll give me a kiss, or want to snuggle me, and it makes me feel so special. I don't care if he doesn't want to say "Mama" as long as I get those little moments where he shows me he loves me.

I can't wait to have another baby, for this love to grow exponentially. I know that Colby is going to be the best big brother and I'm excited to see him take care of his little brothers/sisters.

I love that I have so much to look forward to in life. We're going to buy a house, have more babies, get a dog, travel... I pray to God that my life isn't over until I have done everything in this life that I want to do. I pray that I get to grow old with Clint and that we can watch our children grow up and have their own children, and maybe we could even live long enough to hold our children's children. I want to be that cute old couple that walks hand-in-hand down the street. God willing, we will.

I hope everyone has a safe, fun weekend. Thanks for listening to my sappiness.